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Mālama Ola Minute: Supporting students from the inside out

Feb. 3, 2025

At an early age, Ahmal Allen found he had a knack for talking and listening to people. That passion for connection led him to study marriage and family therapy and now, he supports the young Residential Life students at Kamehameha Schools Kapālama as a behavioral health specialist. On any given day, he counsels four to five haumāna who struggle with their identity, family, academics and finances – all while living far from home.

With experience in Oʻahu’s public schools, Allen has seen firsthand how financial stress affects Hawaiʻi families. This insight informs his work, helping him support students in balancing personal challenges with their education. While being away from ʻohana is an adjustment, he emphasizes that the boarding program is one of the most impactful aspects of a KS education for both mākua and keiki.

“Pauahi made sure that this was an aspect of their education. It was needed because of how expensive it is to live here,” Allen said. “It provides an important support system to families because they know their child is being cared for and appreciated here. Sometimes, they need that burden alleviated so they can continue to work hard and not worry.”

In his role, Allen explores the unique obstacles and opportunities faced by KS students, providing insights into how to support their mental and emotional well-being.

For parents: Show AND tell

Parents are the first and most influential role models in their child’s life. While leading by example is important, Allen encourages moms and dads to also verbalize the reasoning behind their actions and advice. A young mind might not yet connect the dots but open communication can help clarify things as children build their understanding of the world.

“Parents are the foundation for their child’s worldview and how they treat people,” Allen says. “When it comes down to the relationship that parents have with kids, you have to show your kids your example and then you have to express what you’re doing.”
This method also highlights humility in parenting.

“You can give them an example but also apologize when it’s wrong. I’ve seen many kids whose parents may have never apologized to them and now they don’t believe they deserve an apology from their friends or anyone else.”
Remember, it’s not just about how you present the information. It’s also about how your child receives it and what they take from it.

Kids DO want to talk – if they feel heard

A common misconception about teenagers is that they don’t want to talk to their parents. Allen challenges this belief, urging adults to reflect on when communication started to break down.

“For kids, communication is a two-way bridge. They seal their side when they feel ‘I don’t get heard, so I don’t want to hear,’” Allen said.
Instead of assuming your child doesn’t want to talk, ask open-ended questions to kickstart conversations. Make eye contact and show genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings. By demonstrating empathy and respect, parents can reopen lines of communication that may have been unintentionally closed.

It all starts in your head

When students come to Allen overwhelmed by school, friendships or self-doubt, he helps them reframe their perspective. Many feel controlled by their thoughts and emotions, unsure of how to navigate them healthily.

“I ask every student, ‘You have your thoughts, feelings, and the truth. Which one is the most important?’ Many will say thoughts or feelings but when those are more important than the truth, that’s how people hurt each other,” Allen said.

He encourages students to be curious about their minds, emphasizing that they have the power to shift their perspective. Rather than getting caught in cycles of negativity, they can learn to anchor themselves in self-understanding and self-compassion.

“Everything starts in your mind, so you have to make it a nice place to be,” Allen said. “Just like you start the day by making your bed, set your mind by saying positive affirmations and be nice to yourself.”

Allen finds deep fulfillment in seeing students leave his office feeling more assured and better equipped to handle life’s challenges. Reflecting on Ke Aliʻi Pauahi’s legacy, he is grateful for the opportunity to serve in a role that aligns with his lifelong passion.

“Pauahi did her part with the power and position she had,” Allen said. “I do my part utilizing what was given to me because I feel like that makes the world a better place for me, the kids and others.”


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