When haumāna come to Jo Anne Balberde-Kamaliʻi’s office at Kamehameha Schools Hawaiʻi, they don’t always say much. Sometimes they cry. Sometimes they vent. Sometimes they bring a friend. The first time a student called her office “our safe space,” she smiled and waited until they left to let the tears fall.

“I just closed my door and cried,” Balberde-Kamaliʻi said. “I knew the Lord really put me where I needed to be.”

Balberde-Kamaliʻi has spent decades working with students, now as a behavioral health specialist at the Keaʻau campus. Affectionately known as Auntie JoB, she is someone students trust when they’re overwhelmed, upset or just need a place to breathe.

As the holidays approach and the end of the semester ramps up, she returns to three values that help make things feel manageable again: grace, compassion and gratitude.

“Every time I drive up the entryway, I see Maunaloa saying ‘welcome’ and Maunakea bowing…with grace,” Balberde-Kamaliʻi said. “I get to come to work every day and support my students. All of this is joy!”

Showing grace to yourself and others

Middle school can be tough as keiki are figuring out who they are and where they belong. That sometimes means trouble when a classmate says the wrong thing, a friendship suddenly shifts or reactions become regrets. One student came in listing everything she found annoying about a peer when Balberde-Kamaliʻi gently inquired, “What do you imagine are the five irritating things they find in you?”

By building self-awareness and empathy, she teaches ʻōpio that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, and that grace means giving others and ourselves room to grow. The same goes for parents. When kids act out or shut down, there’s often something else going on under the surface. Giving them grace means staying curious, not just correcting their behavior. 

“The child is not the problem. The child is coming to us with a problem,” Balberde-Kamaliʻi said. “Let’s work with the child so they can be part of the solution.”

Taking a step back to ask what’s really going on can help kids feel safe enough to open up. And that safety is what helps them learn how to respond better next time.

Letting go of what you don’t need to carry

Every year, Balberde-Kamaliʻi chooses a phrase to guide her work. This year, it’s a reminder she shares with students and parents alike: reflect and release what you do not need to carry forward.

She teaches students that it’s normal to feel hurt or angry, but they don’t have to stay there. One middle schooler came into her office after being body-shamed. Quiet and hiding in her hoodie, she listened as Balberde-Kamaliʻi asked how she wanted to handle it. The student cussed in anger, but the specialist didn’t shut her down or scold her. She acknowledged the pain, then helped her reframe the response.

“I said ʻYou represent Pauahi. You represent you. And you are more than that one [swear] word,’” Balberde-Kamaliʻi said.

In her space, students are allowed to feel what they feel, but they’re also challenged to think about how they want to move forward. She often asks them three questions: What do you want, what do you need and what does it look like? The answers might be unclear at first but the act of asking helps keiki reconnect with their own voice.

The longtime social worker encourages parents to ask those same questions of themselves.

“We pour so much into our children that we forget others pour into us. We forget we matter, too,” Balberde-Kamaliʻi said.

Making time for yourself doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. A few quiet minutes, a walk, a beach day or unplugging from social media helps to relax and reset. That moment alone helps us stay grounded, so we can better support those who rely on us.

Focusing on what really matters

The holidays can come with big expectations. Gifts, food and parties carry the pressure to make the holidays “perfect.” But Balberde-Kamaliʻi knows what kids really want isn’t more stuff. It’s more connection.

“They want to be loved. They want to be seen. They want to be respected — and they learn all that at home,” Balberde-Kamaliʻi said.

She sees it when students come back to her office just to hang out. Or when they teach a friend how to ask for water or snacks. Those small, everyday moments of belonging are worth celebrating. Balberde-Kamaliʻi believes that gratitude starts by paying attention not just to the big milestones, but to any meaningful time spent together.

Gratitude, grace and compassion aren’t just helpful during the holidays. They are habits of mind and heart that carry Kamehameha Schools haumāna through challenges all year long. Whether a student needs guidance through conflict or just wants to feel seen, our campus health teams offer steady care rooted in aloha.

Because when haumāna feel supported, they’re more able to show up as their full selves for their ʻohana, community and each other.

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