Students today navigate a whirlwind of pressure – from academic to athletic standards to social expectations and the ever-present influence of technology. As stress and anxiety become more common amongst young people, Kamehameha Schools Maui behavioral health specialist Billy Naylor shares key strategies to help haumāna manage it all.

For Naylor, this work is a calling rooted in service. His dedication to student well-being is deeply personal, shaped by his own experiences growing up.

“Being of service is the highest calling you can have, and everyone can be of service in some way,” Naylor said. “I try to be the counselor that I needed when I was younger.”

By working with them, he provides Maui students with tools to navigate stress and anxiety while also instilling the value of self-care and balance.

Creating intentional conversations

Many parents struggle to get a response beyond one word when asking their children about their day. To help, Naylor encourages parents to ask questions like, “What made you laugh today?” or “What’s something you did today where you helped somebody?”

Asking open-ended questions helps to lay the foundation for more meaningful conversations when keiki are struggling. Making a routine of sharing personal experiences creates a safe space for conversations that deepen over time.

“I think people are nervous asking questions that could lead to uncomfortable feelings, especially if they don’t know about anxiety or how to deal with their own stress,” Naylor said. “But that’s why education around personal well-being is really important.”

Practicing calming strategies

From schoolwork to relationships, adolescents experience stress in many forms and their symptoms of anxiety change depending on age. Recognizing early signs allows mākua to step in to aid before it escalates.

“For younger students, they might say they have a lot of headaches or feel nauseous,” Naylor said. “For older students, they might become more withdrawn or irritable, and a lot of times, their parents don’t even know they’re struggling.”

Naylor recommends these simple but effective calming strategies to try:

Breathing exercises

Imagine smelling a flower and then blowing out a candle. Take slow, deep breaths in through the nose, hold for a few seconds and exhale slowly through the mouth. Repeat this for a few minutes to regulate the nervous system.

Progressive muscle relaxation

Tense each muscle group in the body, starting from the toes and working up to the head, holding the tension for a few seconds before releasing and taking deep breaths between each body part. This helps relieve physical tension and promotes relaxation.

Mammalian dive reflex

Cup cold water in your hands and hold your breath for five seconds as you place your face in the cupped water to quickly lower heart rate and reduce stress levels.

“Sometimes, just stepping outside, going for a walk, getting fresh air—basic stuff like that is really helpful,” he says.

Modeling healthful behavior

Children absorb actions just as much as words. As a parent to young ones, Naylor understands that grown-ups are some of the most important role models in a kid’s life. By practicing healthful behaviors, mākua can set a positive example that not only benefits their well-being but also fosters a healthy environment for the entire ‘ohana. Instead of “checking out” when things get overwhelming, Naylor encourages parents to focus on “checking in.”

“Think about: What do I need to be more balanced, to be a better parent, brother, sister, whatever your role is?” Naylor said. “Self-care is things you do that make you better at fulfilling your kuleana.”

By fostering open conversations, providing tools to manage stress, and leading by example, parents and caregivers play a vital role in their child’s emotional resilience. 

“It’s about being present and intentional because small changes in daily interactions can have a lasting impact,” Naylor said.

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