Mālama Ola Minute reflects Kamehameha Schools' commitment to fostering a safe, caring environment for students, ‘ohana and employees by sharing practical information on safety and well-being. Now featuring expert insights from KS staff, the refreshed column demonstrates KS’ proactive approach to supporting our community through personalized guidance and tips.
The holiday season can be a time of joy but it also brings unique pressures for families already balancing a packed schedule. Particularly for students, going from final exams to sports tournaments – and for Kamehameha Schools students, Founder’s Day and Makahiki season activities – can be physically and emotionally exhausting.
Kamehameha Schools Hawaiʻi behavioral health supervisor Tracey Wise observes this firsthand, as students share concerns about balancing school and family during the busiest time of the year.
“A lot of our students tell me ‘Auntie Tracey, we’re expected to give 100% to school but then we gotta do a fast shift to be there 100% for our families,’” Wise said. “That switch can be very stressful.”
Wise leads a team of behavioral health specialists at the Keaʻau campus who offer haumāna diverse mental health services. During this time of the year, the team works with students on strategies and interventions that help them handle the holiday stress.
Encourage keiki to set personal boundaries
Family gatherings can sometimes bring up uncomfortable conversations like questions about college or relationships. Wise encourages students to feel confident in choosing how to navigate those situations.
“For students, it’s important to give themselves permission to not participate in every conversation,” Wise said. “They get to decide how they want to proceed.”
KS Hawaiʻi behavioral health specialist Kāhea Kuamoʻo adds that learning to set healthy boundaries is a valuable skill and if keiki choose to assert themselves and communicate those boundaries to others at a holiday gathering, it is important to do so respectfully.
If it’s difficult to do, keiki can allow themselves to learn how to set and respectfully communicate their boundaries over time but for now, controlling emotions at a family gathering is key. Even in challenging situations, keiki can choose to be mature and respond with aloha.
“You can be mad at your relative and still be kind,” Kuamoʻo said. “For holiday family gatherings, if want to keep the peace, it is okay to respectfully excuse yourself from answering an uncomfortable question and walk away with kindness and emotions in check.”
Create a calm environment
Wise encourages parents to set a calm, welcoming tone during family festivities. Instead of trying to do everything perfectly, try to keep things relaxed and flexible. Offering multiple activities and letting individuals choose how they would like to engage can put everyone at ease and make the time together more enjoyable.
“If parents are stressed out because they’re spread too thin – you want to take pictures, make a turducken, get this pie – sooner or later, the environment will be so tense,” Wise said. “Instead, try to keep things calm and realistic.”
Kuamoʻo says that the same strategies about boundaries apply to parents! At parties, identify “safe” people who support a peaceful energy. If you know you don’t have a good relationship with a certain relative, excuse yourself to take a breather or find a distraction that politely pulls you away from those tense moments.
Support children’s choices
Kuamoʻo emphasized that it’s essential for parents to accept their keiki’s choices, even if they don’t participate in every activity or don’t eat a certain dish. Especially for teenagers, simply being present at a family event is enough. Meeting them where they’re at without the pressure to do everything helps keiki feel more comfortable.
“All parents can do is encourage,” Kuamoʻo said. “This isn’t the time or place to be teaching higher expectations. This is a time for us to just celebrate and have fun!”
Building emotional resilience and navigating interpersonal challenges are skills essential for your child’s mental health. As the holiday season approaches, remember that it’s not about meeting every expectation but finding balance and joy in each other’s company. By fostering open communication and respecting each other’s choices, ‘ohana can create an environment that nurtures well-being and celebrates the true spirit of the season.
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