As students settle back into school, nerves can be high as they adjust to new classrooms, new grades and new relationships with peers and kumu. Whether they’re returning to familiar hallways or stepping onto campus for the first time, keiki spend much of their day at school, making it one of the most influential places in shaping their confidence, identity and overall well-being.

Kamehameha Schools Hawaiʻi behavioral health specialists Jo Anne Balberde-Kamaliʻi and Kahea Kuamoʻo see firsthand the excitement — and the challenges — that come with the return to campus. While reconnecting with friends and teachers can bring joy, a new school year can also come with uncertainty, social pressure and the question many students quietly ask themselves: Where do I fit in?

“‘Who am I? Who do I belong to? How do I belong?’ And then it flips over too, ‘Do I feel like I belong? Do I feel like this person wants to get to know me?’” Balberde-Kamaliʻi said.

For both specialists, the answer begins with belonging.

“A sense of belonging is really the core foundation to building your self-esteem, sense of identity and self-worth,” Kuamoʻo said. “Without that foundation, you don’t really know where you’re going.”

One way students begin to understand that kahua is by learning where they come from, making an activity like creating a moʻokūʻauhau much more than a classroom assignment.

“It’s important to look at because it gives you a sense of where you came from, who you are, and it allows you the opportunity to evaluate behavioral patterns within your family lines, so you have the opportunity to continue those behavioral patterns or make changes for your future and your future family,” Kuamoʻo said.

Understanding your family’s history doesn’t mean you’re destined to repeat it.

“They have choices... [and] a sense of empowerment, knowing that they can make decisions,” Balberde-Kamaliʻi said. “‘I can’t change what has happened, but I can understand it and I can make a choice if I want to be part of it or not.’”

That same sense of choice extends to where students find connection because not everyone finds it within their biological family. Balberde-Kamaliʻi recalled one highschooler, from before her time at the Keaʻau campus, who initially resisted tracing his genealogy because of his difficult home life. He explained that his closest friends and their mākua had become the people he could rely on — his “heart family.”

“Some of his friends’ parents were like parents to him. If he couldn’t be at home, he always had a couch or a bed. If he was hungry, someone made sure he was fed,” Balberde-Kamaliʻi said.

For parents and caregivers, that story is a reminder that belonging starts with creating spaces where children feel safe to be themselves. While adults can’t solve every problem, they can help foster an environment where keiki know they are accepted without judgment and have trusted adults they can turn to when life feels overwhelming. For students who may be struggling to find their place, connection can also be built at school, through sports, or in other extracurricular interests.

“It doesn’t have to look one particular way,” Kuamoʻo said. “Even if you have just one friend. Is that friend meaningful? Is that friend supportive? Do you have a strong connection to that friend?”

Belonging doesn’t mean tolerating toxic behavior, either. Students can choose forgiveness while still protecting their own peace through healthy boundaries.

“You can choose to be friends or just acquaintances with the person who used to bully you. That doesn’t mean you have to hang out with them all the time. You can have healthy boundaries with those who have hurt you in the past,” Kuamoʻo said.

Moms and dads can model healthy relationships at home. Balberde-Kamaliʻi emphasized that children are constantly watching the adults in their lives — how they treat family, navigate conflict and show up for one another. Those everyday interactions help shape how children see healthy relationships and community.

As students settle into a new school year, both specialists hope haumāna remember that belonging isn’t about fitting into a certain group or having the perfect circle. It’s about finding relationships where they feel accepted, supported and valued.

“They need to realize that their value isn’t determined by others,” Balberde-Kamaliʻi said. “Their value is determined by who they are.”

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