10 ways to teach your keiki gratitude during the holiday season

The Mālama Ola Minute is a series brought to you by the Kamehameha Schools Mālama Ola Division to increase awareness, promote discussion, and offer tools to improve the physical and mental health of our haumāna.

Nov. 3, 2022

In a world that seems to value overabundance, teaching gratitude can feel like an uphill battle. Despite the challenges you might face, helping our keiki to feel grateful can be worthwhile.

Here are a few tips on how to cultivate gratitude in your keiki:

Set an example
Kids learn a lot from watching their parents. Show them what it means to be grateful by offering a genuine “thank you!” to a waitress who serves your food, a helpful neighbor, someone who holds the door open for you. But don’t stop there — include your kids, too. Thanking children for doing things that are helpful, even when they are chores like putting away toys, reinforces the behavior and lets them know they’re appreciated.
Point out generosity
Call attention to it when people (including your kids!) do things that go beyond what’s expected — helping without being asked, being especially thoughtful, or taking extra time to do something because it’s important to someone else. Send the message that you will notice when they show aloha to those around them.
Have a talk
For some kids, especially young children or those who have trouble understanding emotions, it can help to have a talk about how showing appreciation makes other people feel. Try asking your child how they feel when people say thank you to them for doing something nice, and then how they feel when they don’t. Going over his own feelings will help them understand how his behavior affects others and make it easier for them to understand the emotional benefits of being grateful.
Find fun ways to say thanks
There are lots of ways to show gratitude. If your child isn’t comfortable talking to strangers or has a hard time expressing themself in writing, work together to come up with a different way for them to show their appreciation. They could try giving a smile or a thumbs up if someone holds the door, or show tūtū how much they love their new coat by drawing a thank you picture (or taking a smiling selfie!) instead of writing a card.
Share the love
Encourage kids to think of people who help them, from coaches to neighbors to the local firemen, and say thanks with cookies or cupcakes. Making them and giving them are fun, and they help kids see how connected we all are.
Put things in perspective
Talk to your kids about those who are less fortunate. Don’t scare them, but don’t keep them in the dark either. Understanding that not everyone has the same advantages will help them develop compassion for others and gratitude for their own privileges.
Let kids choose
Encourage kids to turn their interests into action. Whether it’s a fundraising drive at school, a bake sale, or a run for charity, expressing their interests and using their skills for a good cause is a great way to boost their confidence and give them a chance to give back at the same time.
Get involved
If kids are too young to go alone or aren’t comfortable dealing with strangers solo, make giving back a family affair. Find places where you can volunteer together or let your child choose a charity to donate to. Giving and gratitude go hand in hand, and doing it as a family will bring everyone closer and help you make some great memories.
Make gratitude part of every night
When you say good night to them at bedtime, ask your child to tell you three things they’re grateful for. Even if they’ve had a rough day it will help them—and you—end each day on a positive note.
Give kids credit
Be mindful of the fact that your child may have their own way of expressing gratitude, even if it doesn’t fit your expectations. Different kids communicate in different ways. For example, your child may be more comfortable giving a hug than a verbal thank you, or might show their appreciation by helping out around the house or drawing you a picture. Tuning in to your child’s unique way of being thankful will let them know that even as they’re learning new ways to give back, you see and appreciate the thoughtful person they already are.