Feb. 2, 2026

Melissa Stewart-Rodrigues knows a thing or two about middle school. The behavioral health specialist at Kamehameha Schools Maui has spent over a decade helping students and their families strengthen communication and connection.

But she also comes to the conversation as a mom of three who is navigating similar coming-of-age challenges at home.

“I go to work and then I go home, and it’s like ‘Why do I feel like I’m still working?’” Stewart-Rodrigues said. “Even with all that I know…and how challenging it is, I cannot imagine what it’s like for other parents.”

From friendships and dating to the everyday struggle of figuring out where they belong, Stewart-Rodrigues says the middle school years are full of big emotions and even bigger questions. At the heart of it is an often-unspoken need: to feel like they belong.

“They start a new journey to figure out: Who am I? Where do I fit in?” Stewart-Rodrigues said. “Sometimes we just don’t know how to answer those questions in the right way... or we don’t have a safe and trusting relationship to do it within.”

That is why communication — at school and at home — is so important. But as any parent or teen will tell you, it’s not always easy.

When conversations shut down

Stewart-Rodrigues often sees students struggling to talk to their parents about relationships. One of the biggest reasons? Fear of how they will react.

“If you overreact… and you’re not listening, the kids will shut down,” Stewart-Rodrigues said. “They know when you’re not paying attention to them... and then ultimately, in their mind, they’re like: You’re not paying attention, so you don’t care.”

To help parents stay present, she offers a clever take on a familiar strategy: Stop, drop and roll.

1. Stop what you’re doing: Be present and make space for the conversation, even if you need to ask for a few minutes to finish what you are doing first.
2. Drop your agenda: Try not to rush into advice, redirection or lecture mode.
3. Roll with it: The conversation might bring up something big, awkward or unexpected but stay in it with them.

“So often, if I allow the student to kind of move and talk through it, they ultimately arrive at their own conclusion... their own solution,” Stewart-Rodrigues said. “So you gotta be able to roll with it until they are done.”

For mākua: Model the repair

Of course, not every conversation will go smoothly. When it doesn’t, Stewart-Rodrigues encourages parents to show their kids what repair looks like.

“More times than not, if I ask a student if their parents have ever apologized, they say no,” Stewart-Rodrigues said. “Parents need to know it’s not the mistake that matters most. It’s what you do to take care of it.”

Apologizing, owning missteps and modeling how to rebuild trust are just some of the powerful ways to connect. They show your child that it’s okay to mess up and try again.

“There are a lot of parents who don’t know the basics because they’re also learning alongside the child,” Stewart-Rodrigues.

That is why grace matters for both keiki and makua. Every parent is going to get it wrong sometimes but what matters most is the willingness to reflect, repair and keep showing up with care.

For haumāna: What makes a healthy relationship

Stewart-Rodrigues and her students often talk about “safety cues” or how to recognize when a relationship is emotionally safe.

“If a person can create boundaries, maintain them and respect your boundaries... those are all green flags,” Stewart-Rodrigues said. “They almost always say, ‘If I can trust them, then I know that’s a safe and positive relationship for me.’”

But learning that takes practice, especially when conflict arises.

One common situation Stewart-Rodrigues sees is when two students are upset with each other, but instead of talking directly, they vent to their friends. The issue spreads, the problem remains unresolved and the friends in the middle aren’t sure how to respond.

Part of her work is helping those friends in the middle learn how to respond with confidence and compassion. Instead of staying silent or getting pulled deeper into the drama, she encourages them to say something simple, like, “Maybe you should go talk to that person directly.”

It may sound small but practicing this kind of response again and again helps students protect their peace, avoid gossip and feel brave using their voice in friendships. Every time a student practices setting a boundary or communicating their needs, they’re building something lasting: trust, self-awareness and connection.

“We gotta give our kids a little bit more credit. They may just need their hand held… but you don’t need to steer their car. You can just jump in the passenger seat and keep them on the road,” Stewart-Rodrigues said.

At Kamehameha Schools, haumāna and their ʻohana are surrounded by trained specialists who care deeply, listen closely and create safe spaces where relationships and resilience can grow.